filth

filth…is the name of the book i’m reading…by irvene welsh…Filth…….just started…don’t really know where its heading…..the language is tough cause its street english….but its funny….so far so good…..
 
so far…soooo faaaar……so looong…i normally can’t sleep when the washing machine is running…or i just don’t sleep….cause i want to hear the sound…swirl…..and imagine the clothes that different people wear…different colours, shapes and sizes….fuse…….and when they’re in the drier….it’s worse….or better…..
sets a rythm in my head….buttons…plastic or metal knocking against the walls…. but right now i can’t hear it…am up hoping i’ll hear when the clothes get done so i can put them in the drier…but the a/c drowns the sound…..what’s loud is the ticking of the clock and the sound of me typing
 
grind and swoooosh…….imagine being in that…tumbling….in circles…..water running through you….thick foams…….you’ll suffocate if you try too hard to breathe…..you think it’ll drain the filth out of you?…. us? a thousand well scrubbed showers and that rich perve would still lavishly scratch his balls at the sight of anything that has tits and a cunt, wave a green note and she’ll fuck her brother’s wife for it.
 
really i was aiming to write about how i envy those who just get over their shit…unlike moi…..i don’t deal with it then and there….instead it strikes me later…and i go like ‘hey…that person got me wrong’…or ‘that person just fooled my ass..or fucked me over’…..reasoning out doesn’t come quick..hmmmmm…loser…..so anyway who am i to point fingers?i tricked myself to believe i was above it all…falsify my self respect…i don’t have self respect…i don’t love myself….i jsut always liked the idea and thought it was important to…so i feigned it…
but i do love….i love life……sounds, colours, dance, it teaches you all of it, with the motion of the waves and the breeze, with the colours high and low, falling rocks and raging volcanoes…
 
i can’t stand it when people say dumb things like ‘life’s a bitch’…..oh am so cool…’fuck life’….i say fuck you……life is just life….it’s not fair or unfair….it’s just life….can a heart beat take sides…?…it just does what it does…..no intentions…..life just lives…..we should just live…but our curse is our greatest asset..our bloody Brains…..those fucking scholars were stupid ..whoever came up with the oh so ‘brilliant’ quote, that your parents would say at a time when the the works of the powerhungry seem to suddenly pull them down…"money is the root of all evil"…stupid scholars…stupid people who repeat with out thought….insight doesnt always come quick, but it should sooner or later…..
how is money the root of all evil, when we created it??…yes smart humans….point the finger at the same things which we created..give the concrete blocks personalities…then we can blame some one else instead of ourselves…hell, isn’t that what some of us like to have gods for? "life is unfair"…fuck you…we create our realities, we make it unfair for ourselves or others…
 
tumble dry, stumble, bump our heads against eachother, the drier eventually stops spinning….leave a bleeding mass….
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