significantly insignificant

before i didn’t realize, cause i didn’t think about it, but wacthing everyone go on with out me just seemed interesting, like watching a movie…..standing aside and watching the life you’re in, the poeple you normally interact with going on but it’s just that u’re not standing there where it’s all happening, was interesting.
today morning i watched man on the moon. and i couldnt get it into my head….the movie where jim carrey plays andy kauffman. but then one thing felt real…..not being taken seriously, ’cause u never wanted anyone to but then when you need to be taken seriously they’re still playing the same game. the end, i loved, no not because the movie ended but because he went to phillipines to get healed…from cancer, but when he lay on the examination table of the healer, he realized as he saw that the thing the healer seemed to pull out of people’s bodies, as if he dug his hands into their body and pulled out whatever was harming them was actually some sort of gooey material dipped in something that looked like a blood….that he hid in his palm while he was apparently washing his hands in preperation  to heal his patients. so people were healed because they thought they were healed….the power of the mind…..
and the next movie i watched got into my head and stuck and reminded me of my first post here…it’s called ‘my life with out me’….very simple, straightforward…..she watched her life without her, as she was about to die there was so much she wanted to do before she died, nothing complicated, just simple stuff……and she paved the way for her death so she knew life would go on fine with out her… me thinking bout that time as i mentioned in the beiginning, where i sat and watched everyone……go on…life….go on with out me…and i just sat and watched….and now it hit me why it was so amusing…..
you realize how unimportant you are….that life goes on with out you, you feel insignificant, but good, that life encompasses so much that starts from within everything and everyone and goes beyond everything and everyone…..
and along with that you realize how significant you are as well…..that when you do come in between the normal flow you cause a ripple, as everyone else, so if you’re present there is a ripple, if you’re absent there will be a missing ripple, but everyone esle will be there to fill the gaps……
thats it….thats life with you and without you…and it doesn’t matter cause life is soooo huge….it involves not only the living, the dead,,, but that which can be touched, which can’t be touched, just felt, just thought of, whats forgotten and remebered, its sooo huge,,, its sooo full and sooo empty, it’s everything…..and i ‘m just in awe of life….i wanna drink it all……..or all that my stomach can take…

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