sweet suicide

why is it that we addicted to things that could end our lives?….slowly…or quickly…..drugs, cigarettes, sex, self mutilation, alchohol, work…………
well sure…..everything we do…leads to one thing in the end….death…..but along the way……it impacts our lives, that of others……
 
people don’t pick up a cigarette unaware of how much quicker it brings them closer to death….people don’t go bungee jumping unaware that it’s just a rope that draws the line between life and death………..death……i like saying it………birth……beautiful words…….and then the journey…all that’s in between the 2 most remembered, feared, celebrated dates in our lives…….
 
sitting in a roller coaster…the adrenaline rush, that nearness to death….that state of arousal, makes you wanna hold on tight……scream……that nearness to death makes you feel alive….gasping for breath……that rush….makes you alert…….awakens you to life….like a jolt of electricity…….
it may not be the only reason but it is one of them…
 
what about the hallucinations at the end of a joint, the honesty that pours out when you pour in the last drink……i can’t say much…..cause i still have to experience the tipping point…..but i can tell you that roller coaster rides, inches close to suicide, self harm, the burn of raw vodka, food either too much or too little had one thing in common…..i felt alive, i felt strong
 
i guess they are distractions that divert our minds from what’s typical….just  like the high you get when you randomly sing out loud in the public….
then theres the need to belong…doing it cause others do……..there’s a need to hold onto something
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