self dependent

happy halloween…another commercial holiday…why not…i’d be more excited if i got a holiday but fuck no…my good sense went on holiday…time to get back 

was told i’m less tolerant now…..its good to be told….i dont feel bad…i feel aware….awareness…little more awake….
not fond of where i am…not happy ….but want to be…so sweeping a bit of the shit under the rug…i’m just gonna move on…my backs against the wall….i dont feel anything for a bit…..but i think that numbness of yesterday and today morning was a recuperation period….
i think i’m done…i wanna perfect the numbers again and when i thought about it…..who cares how i go about my life if i’m npot hurting anyone else…..

but its hard to react….
there are two things….one is when u’;re so used to shit…and one is when theres so much shit in ur head…..u just cant react….i’m in the latter position…and in the former….depends on times and situations…but lifes been having a numbing affect….
then why have ai become more reactive…expressive….strange…im more reactive with ppl i dont know…….freedom to express cause i dont know how they’ll react and i dont care how they react…
not caring is great…caring is a bitch….can one be emotionally…absolutely self sufficient…mentally…?….i tried it physically…and i’ve seen limits to self sufficiency too….emotionally…i’ll try it and get back to u

 

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