all i want is to be let go, so i can let go, u can’t and shouldnt care about some one who doesn’t care……it may make little sense to you….but it’s the world to me…to just be
right now i could die…..and feel nothing…..it’ll probably be an incomplete life…but it doesn’t seem to matter…it’ll begin to matter when i feel like i’m where i’m supposed to be, when i feel i’m in the right place….i’m in the wrong place……lack of movement can be my fault for not being a forceful person…..i can’t say no easily but i can go the opposite way, but this ability is crippled when i come accross the few people i care about…so i’m slowly learning to care less…but i’m still in the same place
but i know at one point, all ur pushing will stop working cause the level of not giving a shit will be high enough for it not to matter…and i’ll go…..i told u to let go..but u wouldnt….i’m not doing this on purpose, i just knw the end result, and i can’t stop it….cause even if i hold myself back something even worse will happen for you….for me?…no…cause at that point it wouldn’t matter to me…
u’re in pain…shit piles up and you’re in pain, i held out my hand, lifted you up…but i have to go on, u don’t live for me…admit it…..fine the chance of u accepting that is almost 0, but its the truth……and i wont live for u…..i wont live for anyone…always known, i’ve never belonged anywhere i’ve been, cause evrywhere i’ve been i havent been all i am
i dont know what others think of themselves, of wht they need, of how settled they feel with every step they take…but i don’t remember a single place where the length of time i have spent has felt like mine…it has nothin to do with the place itself, but wat i make of the place….
but what i make of the place always tilts to wat people want me to make of the place…and what people want doesn’t matter unless i care about them…unfortunatley it’s those who i care about who stifle me…
maybe i think too much….but none of it has ever felt right…only time things have felt right are in brief moments in spastn, in those two minutes on stage in school…15metres in the air…in the car with a friend…little…moments…that could last long and drag me out of obsessive things….but they won’t, cause the people i care abt stifle me…..so i stop caring…all i know is now….and now i’m not sad, but i’m not happy, i’m half emty when im not all i am