sidedish

i think it’s on my side…..the cues always bend to my side…..and its when they do that i fuck up……
time to stop…..its happened a couple of times and its not luck……its just on my side….i have to take the cues….i know what i want…..its nothing big to anyone, infact its nothing all in all…but this nothing is everything to me so i gotta stop taking steps to fuck up…….i am a contradiction
always been a contradiction
so what’s new?
on my side…my view…..anna must be my friend, when the trend of my life bends to support her meek, humble, frame, its the same…an object of underestimation to be used as an object that will over whelm u,  more powerful than your wildest imaginations
this is my plee to me….i have started doing the right things…..but i don’t keep doing them….extend the days…..resist the craving, burn the fever….and in all of this weakness there is strength, and all of this miniscule-to-be, will be a life larger than any one’s, cause thats me…..hidden…..and now its time to really hide, to be all of me
so much significance put to what some over use, to what others dismiss, to what others discriminate, condemn, wish to be part of but cant have the strength too…..do it for all the wrong reasons and then the reasons keep changing but the goal doesn’t…..
my goal is back, comfort in perfection, solace in nothingness…..a phantom with a new craving….i just have to keep doing what’s right……self leniency doesn’t help……
a maniac of all sorts……no side dish of life….just life in itself…..
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