waiting for nothing

what am i doing…verbalise my actions and it all comes crumbling down…..i can’t help but judge myself…..
i know…i can be positive…..knowledge that i know people who accept me even the worst in me is just so awesome….i feel loved……never thought i would feel loved
 
but really?……all the questions come swarming back…….i can’t help but wonder what makes me weak….
you’re in my presence…i feel fine….i feel normal…
seep through the air……infront of me, you;ve become so ordinary..
no nervousness, no awe…
but behind a screen, at a distance you’re supernatural, behind a screen you’re a surreal dream, a feeling unexplained, untouched…
 
so this is the tower from where i watch you
my eyes have gone to waste
cause i only have permanent pictures
that don’t even contain the slightest hint of your face
you’re words can be whiplashes or silk floating around my skin
but they’re all i have, and all i feel
and so i’ll selfeshly steel every inch
 
of your page, your mind, your box and world interacting, and i’ll combine your angel and devil and
make love to a spirit that probably
will only leave me in defeat.
 
hush…did i say defeat?…..i’ll take it back, it’s the truth i’ve learnt
so i’m not playing a game, i’m just dancing a dance, of trust
in you, in me
no friend, no enemy
between you, within me
no defeat, no victory…
 
 
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