laveorn, avelorn, onelarv…iii doont knoooow..

words or no words, beats or no beats, some melody of some sort, some noise that i may not be able to voice, but still it forms patterns in my mind….and the sound of anything forms melody, and i’m finding melody in more genres, and its like this feeling i want to feel that i cannot explain and so i just slump face flat on my bed and stare into its eyes, a whirlpool of black and blue and red and greens and every colour under, in, outside, behind the sun…..stare into musics neverending story-telling forever-consuming eyes, so deep, so rich, so practical, so complex and i’m in love and i cant let myself be….ha! such a shakespearen theme for a simple thing…
it’s cause i’m a drama queen in my head….my life’s on my own personal broadway..though i act dry infront of you
i shove it aside….i’m talented, self trained at that….shoving aside of what i’m madly in love with and settling into the mundane things i read, eat, and watch the stuff you boring manipulative people televise….
argh……i stare into the blue ink on my sheets…how’d it get there…..left my pen open with out the cap, wrote on my hand and they staind the sheets too, and in this smudge of blue, but i dont care, but my eyes keep staring into it, they widen till i feel like i’m getting a face lift and i think to myself….this is what i’m afraid of, these books and these ink stains will officially become my life, they won’t be a preparation for an exam tht i dont wanna do, but a chore, a means-end, something to fill my pocket…
theres a love for too many things……and because so many different people love and loved these things they built on them…made them subjects…..and cause of that they aren’t just things you love they become the things you want to learn…..but i really fear that learning can kill the love…….waaait a minute
learn, love….two l’s…two e’s….one has 5 letters, the other has 4…..add in the missing letters  and either way u’ll get a 7 letter word……lovearn, or learnov….the word just expanded….
so im guessing in theory you could say that loving what you learn and learning what you love wouldnt actually kill your love it would just expand it….and love for what you learn would expand knowledge….
so why does my brow wrinkle now when i look at these books?….aaah a dash of the past, a little bitter ness, a little forcefulness, a little self convincing to give the rest a shot later….but i still made the choice, and hey my life’s not over yet….
so maybe it’s how i’m taught, or how i educate myself…..and if u cant change how u’re taught u gotta change how u learn…hmmmm
not bad….so i guess popper didnt waste his time for nothing….and neither did i…..
still singing, swinging and bringing more rhythm and rhyme, even after my time
has come and gone, i’ll do what i’ve lived for, i’ll do what i was born
for, and my footprint may fade, or  remain beyond yours or go down with you,
 but i’ll go down knowing i did all that i wanted to do….
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