hard to imagine sanity, no peace of mind. you feel like your friend broke a promise to you. one day you shared the same or similar or different dreams. and when they do soemthing that goes against this stated dream, you feel like shit. you feel cheated. it wasn’t your dream but you placed belief in someone elses, you wanted to see them get to that mountain peek they chose to. but they don’t. they wind up choosing a different path.
but how can they? you didn’t. so just how can they? they can. their foot, their footsteps, their voice and their song. they betrayed no one. but you feel betrayed.
it’s funny, its hard to accept that some one you share so much in common with could have different worlds to build. says alot about just how complex humans are. just because 1+1=2 for you, it could be 11 for some one else and you can do shit about it. it’s not a bad thing…you just feel bummed that the ground you once shared has now split or cracked.
maybe you feel more alone. i always felt we are all alone. and if the rest of the world doesn’t think they’re alone. there’s nothing that can convince me i am not alone and i don’t see it as a bad thing at all. it is infact how i want it to be. but i guess to some degree you want to have something in common with others. you want to feel like there’s something to share beyond the same music, or money, or work or school. something deep, like a belief (beyond religion), thoughts, direction of thoughts.
and then suddenly when some one’s decisions or actions don’t match this it feels like it couldn’t be right.
but who’s to say what’s right and wrong when it doesn’t really cause harm to anyone, when it’s just another step in life.
steps….journeys……all so long and short and big balls of funny-strange.. people come and people go….but i guess in this world of change you just think or i guess, hope that certain stuff can say the same. like 10 years from now when you talk to your friend who said s/he would be an architect , you find out that thats exactly what s/he turned out to be, there’s some strange comfort…