to be you

i crave to match the point of similarity, i want to point the point of similarity between us.
u’d think its coincidence when one is similar to the other but then i know its a result of experience….not that coincidences don’t occur …..
so i guess i’d like to point the similarity in our experiences, how they’ve shaped us, why our brains seem cross wired and over thought canvases of sickness, guilt and filth.
its weird when u find some one so similar to you, i’d love to share thoughts and conversations with but its scary as well because u just may have to face more truth….i love people who share similarities with me but deal with things differently form me…..because it’s when some one can take the same thoughts and ideas you have that you can see more than just a few ways to doing things than you orignally thought there were….
then there’s pride… this trace of a fume slowly rising that i keep trying to shove down…what am i talking about?…let me explain…being different is everything to me….uniqueness, individuality, having a mind and life of your own that has no interest in following the same road as others…..ofcourse i wouldn’t like to do things simply because they make me different…i rationalize…if a different idea makes more sense to me, then i choose….but if the idea that everyone else follows is convincing enough for me, then i’ll choose that….and then when some one comes along thinking like i do, and making me feel like there are two people excatly like me and not just me "the one and only"…it’s like fuck no i wanna be the one….yeah i know…stupid….childish…and pathetic……i spit on it….wouldn’t want to send me to any of the other 6 dimensions, now would you?…
then there’s self loathing……i’d like to say i forget, but i don’t……well i don’t forget shit …beauty exits my thoughts quite often….
and then getting to know some oen who’s exactly like me even when it comes to stuff i loathe about myself…that’s like looking into a shattered mirror…..hell reflections hardly grab my interest and then having to face a real life form of a reflection is like dawning 3D glasses…reality may be good…but behind a glass you feel safer….oooh fear of loosing safe ground…the same thing that one may want to risk can also be something one fears…….and there goes all the ballsy talk about taking the road less walked….
the truth of your flaws would break the security of you not having to face them…..and taking a different path would break the security that people build life with. one you fear, the other you crave….humans, i’ve said it from time and time again ..humans are contradictory….
and why and how do we find these people, who can be freakishly similar to us? how can two people wind up having similar experiences or similar opinions and likes and dislikes despite having such incredible different life experiences….?….and isn’t it crazy that some one else can reveal more about ourselves than we could on our own?…..
on and on it goes…..
20 years is a lie…is not such a great show..

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