we made this crazy shit this crazy shit made us

all he asked was for my number. the man was new to the country, he just met a fellow country-man..or woman rather who helped him out and he probably was just grateful, and thought,’ hey, this is my first friend here.’ and he didn’t look creepy or slimey, no bad vibes of any sort spilled out of him, but yet i had to ask him why, and say no. why no?

this is what it has come to, perhaps if he was a lady i would have given him my number, but what this man on woman and vice versa power differences, double standards and misbehaviour has led to is a lack of trust for the opposite sex, strangers are strangers, regardless of their gender. we’re living things before humans and humans before men or women or trans sexuals, but there is always doubt, the great ‘what if’….. and you can’t live ur life on ‘what if’s because then you’d be glued to the ground or to a cloud hanging upside down, bat-style.
i felt bad….. i felt the need to go and explain to him why i said no. his reply to my reply was a simple reply ‘just like tht, a friend,’ his left shoulder lifted up a little..the gesture that probbaly meant "i dont have an ulterior motive, neither do i have anyone here"…he looked older, wiser, but ive seen that simple settle man look of aorund 30-40 and the last time i thought i may help a man with that look i got a show, not a pretty one for an 11 year old whos seen other such shows and had to cancel several channels in her tv station (brain..mind) because of that.
 
not everything is pre -wired, sometimes your eyes are forced open, once its done its done. knowledge of truth, knowledge of the existence of a wider world cant be erased, you can ignore, and its fine to ignore if ur life ends in the next 5 to 10 years, but then ignorance will return to nag you and take a shit infront of you, right there, mannerlessly and you will be forced to face the truth.
 
maybe one day after a few long months of setltling into the city he would just call me up to thank me, or to have a tea (indian style) though ……i would prefer coffee and just talk about him setlling in and hear my story of how i settled in and how my story might help him, how he could impart some knowledge on me. but.. nope tht wont happen. i’ve given my number before but then made my point silently that i think it was a mistake…maybe they didn’t have other intentions either but they were of the opposite sex and therfore they had red lights on their foreheads. its unfair. but i dont have a solution just yet.infact he looked more decent than them.
or maybe he would keep calling me, sending me some ridiculous "baluchi" messages (no offense) like, "ur eye is like a flower and u are a sweet frend, you have kids? i love kids, wanna hav kids? i left my wife in hyderabad just for you lovely girl."…….believe me , really there are some strange strange people who talk like tht….its quite amusing….and a tad bit freaky….and then he’d hunt me down and stalk me ….and who knows kill me?
and its not like women are halo-sporting-angels. humans are born and develop some scum bag material as they grow up but that isnt it….just because i came accross of a few perves doesn’t meaa he would be one….i generalized, and chnaces are, when a similar situation arises again i will keep a similar idea in my head…maybe i would explain briefly why i’m distrustful but probably act the same why….
 i am distrustful…..and maybe i represent how people are here. they come here to earn, nothin else….they’ll watch u, they;ll pretend to be a community, they’ll act to put forwrad a sense of togetherness, but they’ll fuck u if it means they can rise higher.
 
that’s just how things are…people come here with a motive…..it’s probably their offspring (my generation) who would think differently, but those middle-aged expats don’t care for much (even if, at one point they did)
thins is the world i live in….
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