sometimes u can’t verbalize everything that runs through ur mind…forget saying them, u can’t write them. they are stuck there like this big blob in ur head, built over years and years of life.
and u’re calm, nothing moves u…then suddenly one random day, some one says one random thing…like….’ur laptop looks silly,’ or ‘the banana u gave me was spoilt,’ and u break. no one hears the ‘BAM!’, ‘ WHAM!’, ‘KABAM!’
the last straw on the camel (horse’s) back happens to be not even a straw, but a cricket or a fly.
sometimes things that push u over the edge happen to have little to do with the things that pushed u towards the edge.
they may be similar, or completely different, but at the height of sensitivity, physical or emotional….the tipping point is only a milimetre away
why don’t the fumes, the anger, the psychotic verbal blah blahs, release themselves in small packages. and even if they do, why don’t they seem to be released in sizes large enough to exhaust the emotions that develop and boil beneath your skin at that moment?…
or maybe that’s just the case with me, and people similar to me.
and i wish there was an internal regulator, built within us…that would help regulate our mental environment…who even knows that the mental environment consists of? the mind, the brain, the entity, the being….
maybe the truth i believe in still stands strong…..life is a lesson, u learn it when you’re through (or sometimes u won’t be that fortunate). we can never learn enough about ourselves to set about forming an internal radar that will last for more than a certain period of time…because with time, things will change and we’ll hold hands or fight with change but our footsteps won’t always walk the same way they always did….
and that’s that…..and maybe that means the time the last ‘fly’ takes effect will also keep changing…
aaah answers just never seem like answers, solutions never seem black and white and stationary…..