rage runs the stage

maybe he’s right…maybe sometimes when u lash out at some one, the reason behind it has less to do with anything that person did, and more to do with you being mad at yourself….

bend the spoons, bring out the knives and yell in rage….
inside….a fucking explosion…..
outside…a silent riot….
you think that my few harsh words, the occasional rise in the pitch of my voice..is the worst of it…
you think wrong…
see my face….look into my eyes….
you’ve died..i’ve died….
to myself….
and i don’t want to use you as my scratch pole…..do unto others what has been done to you?…i think not…..
not because i’m a saint, 
but because i don’t see the point of it…..what’s going to change?
i brought down the dam,
i was irresponsible too (with people)
i failed the deadlines
i can’t focus (on things)…
i wiped the floor clean of blood stains to entertain the guests….
and now she crawls to the corner of the room, sways back and forth and beats her head..
with her hands….
foolish foolish failure……
and a foolish, foolish optimist…..let’s hope she’ll snap out of it….
will try…keep trying
to make new beginnings in my mind..
regardless of the movement of the rest of the world.
but while everyone moves an inch
she moves a millimeter….
when will this end…?..self blame, self hate, anger towards the rest of the world…it needs to end
snap out of it, child, you’re just as wild as you were, when u were 6 or 7…13 or 11….
no difference…just extra baggage…
while rage runs the stage….

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