a fork for your knife

sometimes…you can’t help but be concerned about people….certain people..

they haven’t done anything particularly heroic for you, but for whatever the reason, you want to be their hero.
it matters that they seem off beat, in their sphere of depression, or that they seem cold and angry….it just matters….
maybe it’s a normal thing for some people. to care about those around them. but for some of us…it’s a big deal…
we don’t normally care about people. maybe we shrug at their bad news, or say a sympathetic “oooh”, and perhaps offer a general, possible solution.. but that’s it…..they turn their heads, we turn our backs…we got our own shit to be bothered about.
selfish world…nothing wrong with it…..i think there are people bigger than us, placed in smaller lives and they need help. those who don’t get a chance in life, or those whose chances get stolen because of the decisions and actions of a few who are in power…
but for you, him or her or them…the one’s who normally are in our lives, who have not everything, but enough..who do have control over their lives…why does the feeling of ‘care’ creep in?
personally i despise the feeling…but i like it…feels warm, fuzzy and appropriate…not an over dose of over flowing concern, i’ll never hit there…i am truely too self centered for that…but the warm, fuzziness over whelms me too…i’m just easily over whelmed….i don’t know how you do it…the open expression of concern and affection….
so sometimes, it seems worth it, to take the effort for certain some ones who do have things in their lives, but who some how, for some magical reason matter to you. it feels okay, not scary…the scariness creeps in when the realization comes that i put in the effort …so i pretend that for such things realization doesn’t exist…..
care, bother, concern…are strange things…the concept of tit for tat is clear. it makes sense. but tat for nothing…. the 1:0 or 0:1 ordeal, leaves me a bit confused. perhaps when it comes to such people you don’t consciously process what you get from the person…
don’t point it out.
i am aware of my actions.
don’t plead and don’t go puppy eyed
don’t kiss me, don’t touch me.
let me be.
i am here this second.
i will leave the next second
second 4, i am out the door
and this can be just a piece of my life that i lent.
but the verbatim repetition of this endeavour could just ruin it all.
not for you.
but for me..
and for my balance i need know that i can be anything.
so stop in your tracks.
when there’s fork, spin a knife and make a pick.
go where you want, as long as you’re not here, because you followed my foot print.
there…said what i had to say….now sounds soothe my eardrum…
toodles…for now…

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