losing some one important in our lives is something that everyone has experienced, or will experience at one point in their lives. if not once, twice, an n number of times.
how to get over it? i’m not sure. but what i’ve seen from certain people, is a deep and agonizing pain, that is linked ot missing some one. it’s all about their loss, and all that’s been lost.
and what of the experience of having some one like that in your life? i think when a person has died, it’s always great to reflect on the greatness of them having ever played a part in your life….if you like them, that is. even if you hated the, chances are that they taught you something or the other.
what a person is and ever was for you, is normally only linked to your interactions with that person. directly, or indirectly.
but that person is/was beyond that. the person could have had so many faces. secret, evil acts, saintly acts…are all aspects of a person’s being…and sometimes these are left unknown to those who love them dearly. it’s like the universe and the world. the only universe that is real to us, is the one we live in, the rest (other universes or planet) are somewhere in the background or way ahead of us. losing our world, would be a heavy loss to be felt. losing something, or more correctly, in this case, some one that was real, part of our reality gets affected.but things we did not know, do not exactly constitute our reality. they may influence the person, and they may affect us only through the person. but they cannot directly impact our lives unless they involves us. what i’m getting at here, is that loss is loss. but beyond what we have lost by that person’s passing away is only one part of it. it’s the world’s loss. even if no one else grieves, it’s a shared loss. because that person, if they had lived would have had affects on the world in general, directly or indirectly, like all of us do.
so you’re not really alone with your grief.
and another reason why i touched that point is that, the person had more layers than those which were obvious to you. this is important because it means that each person is bigger than you think. like i said a few sentences earlier…they’re impact is wide, far reaching. the flapping of a butterfly’s wings causes movement of air for miles, same goes for each person. and so if each person can be so infinitely effective, then nothing is ever really lost. no one is really lost. particles do not stand still…at least not in the climatic conditions we live in…and maybe this is one of the reasons it is so important for people to be famous…so they can leave stronger, more long lasting impacts that will be marked in history.
i know, i know…these are all words of consolation. me telling you that the person who has passed away was significant in a certain way in your world, means that when they’re gone they are no longer part of your world, at least not your waking, ‘touching and hearing’ world…so my so-called argument is counter-effective as a tool to console you. but it’s a fact. and that’s what we have here, in this insane land we call home. things contradict themselves, people are twisted…but somethings are just what they are, and knowing what they are, than just what they ‘mean’ to you adds a value to them that is unfathomable…and that’s the beauty in it. life will go on, you will go on and they will go on.
the people i am writing this for, i know, will not have read this. but i am incapable of directly conveying my thoughts to them. the best i can come up with is “oh”, “how are you taking it?”, “she was a close friend huh?”…and then let them talk or let them be.
the person is more than empty void. more than a space left empty.
the person is a foot print. even the lightest or the smallest. that’s a different kind of value on each person.
i didn’t know her, she was just some one who served as a participant for my dissertation experiment.the next time i saw her, she was being consoled by two people i have grown to care about because some dude disappointed her. and now these two friends needed to be consoled, but i could do little. today i went to her facebook profile, it’s still there and it’s only after her death that i found out how important she was to so many people.
with every ebbing tide the foot print may fade. you can cement it and frame it, but the clarity the memories you had with them may fade.
but for those who find it hard to get over grief, i assume that the memories matter more than a void.
in fact, i think that when a person departs from this world, memories are what fill the cavity.