tiresome

you know when you been out all day working, or walking around or travelling… you know when you’ve been probably sitting in one place all day but doing a lot of brain work….and then the day ends and you’re home and you just sink into anything a couch, a bed , a person or even your floor if it’s thickly carpeted…..you’re exhausted…you feel nothing but gravity….

and though the weight pulls you down and you can’t resist…it feels good… the kind of good feeling you get when you get a back or foot massage…it hurts but it feels good…it’s like a relief….

what if it was just hurt….?

the above exhaustion….is sort of a good exhaustion…body goes on stand by for good reasons….and you may not want that feeling everyday because it limits how much you can do when you get back to your non-work life….but a few times it’s okay.

but yes, what if it just hurts? what if you just feel exhausted and you don’t feel relief?….you’re on your way home and you first see the top of your building, then the windows of the first few floors….that window stained with the green of the plants that the owner places on the window sill….and then you move further and you see the apartment with the purple curtains and soon there are no longer walls to hide your building from plain view and you enter those familiar doors…. through all this changing view you feel the exhaustion coming in… pulling you down slowly, slowly…slowly…. and you collapse before you open the door…..you can barely walk to your room……

yes, you have collapsed…you mind has collapsed……. now all that’s left is the will of the body….enter the room and sink in…sink into the corner of the room…open the laptop and stare…stare into a world you left outside the house…..

home is not supposed to feel this way….so it’s a house…not home..a cold apartment that exhausts you…..approaching it you feel the exhaustion but it’s not enticing….you’re not going to sink into bliss….to be awoken refreshed……you’re sinking because this place tires me more than anything….. more than 4 hours of travelling and going up and down , doing this and that….

ever had that feeling…? you don’t want to enter a place because it exhausts you..the very thought of it exhausts you….. you don’t need to enter it to feel it’s power… you just need to think of it… think…think… you think too much…

home should not feel this way…

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