magical wardrobe/cupboard

sometimes you mind is in full swing…but you’re body won’t cooperate…

after a day of pure nothingness (yesterday) i wanted to wake…jog and shower and bring the world down…but my bottom is stuck to this stool with it’s fancy weave-work made of rope….my back is clearly in a state of stress…my neck and head have are in light pain…

all attributed to my pathetic sleeping position and yesterday i was feeling intro-intro-verted and needed to even stay out of my room, inside some place…. so i gave it a shot..

it? what’s it?

for ages …and i mean ever since i got this cupboard about a year or so back…i would keep staring at it, wondering if i could fit into the area where i hang my clothes (that are about a 100 years old…i cling to things while they cling to the their hangers…). and yesterday…the only way to escape my room but into a world that was not outside of it…but deeper inside it….i got up and entered cupboard land…

and wow….i did fit….i almost slept in it…it’s a real narrow small place…about 1 foot wide….of course if i didn’t have my new ‘lady-like- thighs and junk…it would have been more airy.. (i was an early bloomer, then my growth stunted…but 21 has come with fuller boobs, although they are the same size and things that aren’t just meaty but curvy….i really have no interest and either and plan to burn them off)

but it was cozy and safe and i felt like a kid again…guess that’s where it’s magic lies…

i was the kid who’d crawl into small places…lie under and not over the bed….in between shelves….under the dining table ..are some of the places you’d find me…

so thanks to my blast to the past yesterday….my back and neck’s a mess…and i will admit that at one point i did turn my head to the back of the cupboard and knock on it’s light wooden back hoping something would open…or some one from some other world would knock back…it’d scare me…but then there’s be a deeper world i could escape too…away from my mind…but into some other world…i clearly don’t plan to grow up…

the solace and ‘space’ i found in these spaces were things that kept me okay…that kept me smiling…..i needed 5 minutes in this hide out to get up and get out with a smile that could light up one of these tunnels they’re digging up here…

yeah i’m confident about my smile….because i love smiling… i don’t have straight teeth or lips like ..(i really don’t want to say angelina jolie..thought i think she’s a good actress who’s got publicity for pointless things) lips like….i don’t know who… but i’m an instant smiler…and i wish i could smile to woo my legs and hands to get up….and melt the stress out off my back and my neck….

oh well….time to shake the weight off…and let go of my hopes of finding something like Narnia….

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