toning it down…

ok  so the whole attempt to cure myself of the sickness did not work….it turns out that this was no ordinary fever…i’m still fascinated by it’s 3 day persistent attack that would make my temperature hit a satellite floating around the earth and then fall back to ground level…..with burning eyes and near deliriousness and…ahem…motion…anything i ate would exit out of my system in an hour.. and what’s more when my 3 days in bed were over and i was so desperate to head out fo the house and catch some fresh i would get some stinging headache….that could only be killed with some sleep…so basically then it was almost 5 days of bed rest…

i sound like a whiney little kid ….keep in mind that none of thise is being said in a whiney voice…it’s more with a voice of fascination….

of course i wasn’t so fascinated when i could feel my eyes burn and my body shiver…but now that it’s passed i feel like a tough ass…ok, sort of a failed tough ass…..had to pop in pills…and all that i do not like….but that’s that…body needs an extra hand and i got to give it….

but the bed rest was accompanied by a lot of thinking time….really, not like i don’t think a lot anyway..but err… i don’t know…it was sort of a different thinking and i think that the thinking was absolutely necessary….it was the kind of thinking that did not just begin the beginning stages of an important change, but it actually facilitated the change….the change was ready to come about faster than it normally does…i needed to sober up….not that i walk around with a bottle of Jack Daniels in my hand…i don’t like whisky anyway…and only drink enough to get a buzz…

i mean sober up, as in..be less ridiculous…

no, i don’t believe that with age you have to be all uptight, straight backed and serious….but you need to be wiser…more appropriate in expressing yourself…..you need to know when to scream, to speak, dance, shout.. … and no, this doesn’t even mean having different ‘faces’…it jsut mean taking on more responsibility over the situations you find yourself or put yourself in….being able to handle things better…

i was tired….am still tired of shit.. bombs of shit being thrown my way…..

felt like the last straw was my getting ill followed by finding out that one of my artworks that my mom took to her office to put up, was destroyed thnks to a leakage in the ceiling…

my art work being destroyed hurt’s me beyond words, because i actually take effort and time to make them…and the fact that they can be ruined , just like that…stings me…with the ugly kind of sting….

and now things have toned down….the noises, the chaos….my brain’s getting less sensitive so it can last longer…and even if that makes me more numb to things…i am content with it….i need the strength to get through the rest of my life….and that’s that..

ha, that’s always that…

need to get everything back into smooth flow again and add some new challenges…looking forward to the rest of my days, here on planet earth, for now…it’s a pretty-not-bad place to be….

err..got no pic…i’m not sure how to handle a Mac & don’t want to disturb my friend….so there…

peace, love, and silence…

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