Rahel’s moth

One of the books i can’t get over is ‘The God of Small things’ by Arundathi Roy….

it was me talking there in those paragraphs scattered in those pages….of course i don’t mean literally.. but the book described a story the same way i narrate my life, my day to day events…probably not as beautifully…but the structure was very much like my speech and my thought processes and so it made more sense to me…and so it’s not hard to understand why i was highly offended when my grandfather said he was bored half way through it and my mother said she couldn’t keep up with it….can’t blame them though…

either way i loved the book

and whether i loved it or not, has little to do with this post…

the little girl in the book, Rahel..felt a lot…emotionally… the author used the presence of a moth (figuratively) on Rahel’s heart to describe how she felt when certain things happened…like sometimes the moth would lift a wing or sometimes it would weigh heavily down on her heart….

and after i finished the book…i adopted Rahel’s moth…it was the best way to describe how i felt…that feeling on my heart…it was not in it…it was on it…my heart just functioned as it did…it could not dominate my outward appearance…but there was something else, always, on top of it……and i was satisfied to call it a moth…the big mutated kind…

and that moth weighs pretty heavily these days….every day it can’t beat my smile and my life and my being…externally…but internally…i feel it…strong….i feel it when it lifts a wing….when it rests all it’s weight on me…when it pretends to get ready to take flight…

everything else is a distraction…..everyone else’s happiness, the noise i’m filling the silence with…it’s all a distraction….it distracts me and makes me happy too…

a particular thing needs to be fixed….this thing has been left with a ‘time to let go’ stamp…but it won’t suffice…

there is a light keeping the moth in place…and keeping my world going as it is…not truly for my well being…and this light is the light of darkness…entrapment not freedom…

something is wrong…something needs to break free…

and for this…the something is yet to be figured out…..

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One thought on “Rahel’s moth

  1. by the way…just to make things clear….Rahel adopted the moth from Pappachi….can’t recollect the exact story but it was Pappachi’s moth that settled on Rahel’s heart….i just shortened it and stored it in my memory as Rahel’s moth…after all it did play a significant role in her life as well…

    if you have no idea what i’m talking about…please read the book…it’s worth it..

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