the scope for hope

did everything…every possible thing that i could…..everything that made sense…in general…and everything that made sense only to me…things like my superstitious rituals that work for me… no, none of it involves voodoo or candle light, fires and scary shit…. just little things that, when i do them..i tend to get good results….. or at least some result so that i don’t have to anticipate anymore..but i can move on…

i don’t mind my hopes crashing…. i don’t mind some one taking a mega sized dump on them….that’s not the part that i fear… when i know the final outcome….be it good or bad….at least there’s no more waiting, no more hoping…

it’s that hoping that gets to me… i’m an incurable optimist… i talk that talk…that talk that makes it seem like i’m  more negative that positive….that’s how amuse myself…. joking about the worst….but that doesn’t mean i’m a pessimist..

you don’t have to believe in horoscopes…and frankly i don’t take them seriously…if something matches, i enjoy it…if not…i don’t really care….but a long time back i read a book by Linda Goodman about every star sign …..mine stated that i was an incurable optimist…those exact words…it was the first time i came across that word combination and i have used it since then….. it was true the, and it is true now….

so what’s the problem with hope for an incurable optimist.?..it’s just plain irritating…hearing myself talk to myself…giving myself hope…the number of ‘maybe’s and ‘could be’s and ‘just wait and see’s drives me up the wall…and the best part is …it’s me who’s doing this….me and me alone…..

what’s worse is that those around on me get pissed on by these rainbows as well..i just assume there’s some way i can solve their issue…and if all fails i’ll shove the silver lining in their face….i shove the silver lining (you know the one that’s behind every black cloud, or so they say) in my face too….and you’re damn right that i find it even if it’s not easily noticable…. but some times all i want to do…or all they want to do is vent…. and yell “FUCK IT’… but i say, “no, don’t fuck it see if this didn’t happen then you wouldn’t know this and then yada yada yada”…and really sometimes i should just let them vent…what’s more sometimes a little pessimism can do you good i think…

but there’s no room for that here, is there..?..

and i’m pissed off !(like that wasn’t already plain to see) gave away my opportunities to some one else…don’t get me wrong i’m happy for them, but i hate myself for not even trying on my part…i don’t mind losing…it’s the part about losing with out trying that i hate….but i did it again….

and screw that…they deserved it more than anything else.. but still it bugs me..and it only bugs me this much because other things are bugging me and what normally acts as bug-spray is not working this time…

and for everything else, i’ve done all i could….

and now…hope is all i have…..and now if some one tells me hope is worthless…i will rip their guts out ….it is all i have..and it is all i can do….all that is left to do… so much for all the previous ‘this too shall pass talk” huh…

i watch ‘Apocalypse Now’ and ‘The Shawshank Redemption’….over the past two days …please don’t give me the “oh you haven’t seen those yet, they are, like, ancient…like OMG” shit…because it’s childish and there’s always something unknown to people….and i can point out several things you don’t know but that doesn’t make you less than me or vice versa….so anyyywayyy… yeah i watched the movies…and in both the movies this line was used…”every man has his breaking point”… indeed…every person does have their breaking point….

hold on…just hold on..

love this song…makes me feel nostalgic….

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s