giants ate the little pieces of me

i used to think that if one was a giant it would be a whole lot painsul falling from some where, then i realized the bigger you are more different your perception is.

this sprung up from watching a part of the end of king kong…haven’t watched the movie yet but i saw the part when he’s on the tower, and i though ‘oh my god first he’s going to fall from that height and his tallness adds extra height so it may hurt a lot more’. but actually it would hurt less. the larger you get the smaller the things around you would seem. you’d have less area to cover less off a height to frop from in comparison to some one of a more normal sizing falling from your height.

and maybe that’s why even big people, the famous, the rich, the big tyrants are less fearful of little falls they make…i mean, i assume they are….they got a lot less to lose…..for some one who’s bank account holds 50,000 dirhams (UAE currency), a loss of 10,000 dirhams would be much more messed up than for some one whose bank account holds about 2,000,000 dirhams….

perhaps, the value of little things lessens the bigger you get….they become those super-tiny insects you can kill with no effort when you’ve got a jungle with creatures twice your size…and some day you’ll be twice their size..

perhaps, that’s when you lose ground…and you lose value…and everything you’re made of is solid, concrete, materialistic…

hmm…

there are things i like, things i’d like to own, but i have this weird fear of money…like once you taste it in its most top notch form, you’d want more and more till you explode…and nothing lasts forever, so one day you’ll fall with nothing to fall back on…i just don’t want to be part of that cycle…

i used to want to be famous…to make it big….to be everywhere…

my dreams changed…may be it’s because i first thought i could never do it..something i held on to from real shitty self esteem days…but then the reasons changed for my dreams changing…other things became more important….no…i don’t mean i’m some sort of yogi (a person learned in yoga, not yogi bear)…all respect to those guys….engulfed in spirituality…but i’m not sure how “human” it is…and this is not an excuse for being less spiritual….it’s like running away from being human….just my opinion..because to a certain extent i know i run away from being fully human…there are something i’d rather not embrace, some feelings and things like that…not because i think i’m better than humans, just because i find less pleasure in them because i fear the pain that comes out of them….anyway…i’m still learning…to be tougher…it’s much easier to be numb than feel it all…

anyway…the dreams…the changed dreams…i just realized that other things would make me last forever…i want my impact to be bigger than me, i want my life to make a sound….to make movement….it would make some good change on this planet…or the basis of a continuous positive change and for me, it would make me live at least for sometime beyond my death….

i don’t believe in after life, or re incarnation…i believe anything is possible…so if there really is something or nothing at all after death, i will only find out after death….but i would like my life to not just end there….isn’t that why people have fed of the idea of re incarnation and heaven and hell and all that? it’s like you’re thrown into this world just like that, and you’ll be taken away from it just like that…it’s harder to accept that it’s just a capital letter and a full-stop, than a story that goes on and on and on….. but based on my beliefs or non-beliefs, i don’t have the privilege of such hopes…but i can hope to live on in people’s memories and maybe in music played on the radio, or art work people bought from me, or books and other little pieces of me…

hope little pieces of me eat the giants..

i love this song.. i must have been 16ish when i got this album…the song broke my heart and mended it at the same time….this is going to sound super-cheesy, but he was singing about me, and i needed to sing it to those around me…especially at that time….

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