i see nothing but an icy-nothing

Day 2 of October arrives…and i decide to turn around and take a look down the road i’ve taken…

now me, looking back at the past is nothing new…but it’s normally the past-past…not the recent-past that i look at….that’s not a regular happening….and this happening happened to be quite not very happening….

no doubt things happened this summer….stupid, sad things…and some bright, good things….but regarding movement….as in, the movement of my life…there’s been not much really….

and i’m a person who believes it’s okay…this happens sometimes…sometimes you don’t do much…it’s okay….you don’t have to always be struggling, or fighting or straining yourself…but…how long this goes on….is an issue…

how long?…4 months…more than 4 months actually…fine, so i couldn’t work…but why didn’t i get my ass down to some serious volunteering..?…what happened to the awesome online free guitar lessons…?..what happened missy? just what happened?….these were things that i could have done whether or not i had moved or got a job….

what happened is that i took a picture of the future and stuck it in the walls of my head from the past….i know that life doesn’t fall into place exactly as you hope that it would.. and i didn’t expect it to… but what i did expect was for it to fall somewhat like how i thought it would…just the basic outline.. job in another city, moving out, coming back from work and education myself on everything i planned to….till i can fund some serious education and invest in some gadgets that i needed obtain for myself….

i shouldn’t have had that picture….because regardless of whether certain events happened or not…my vision and my goals haven’t changed…..so how could i let complacency set in….

i saw this on some one’s facebook status -> ‘It doesn’t matter how slow you go as long as you don’t stop’…words of Confucius…

i’ve been slowly directing my foot to the break pedal….

so i guess i should be looking at what i have done in these 4 months? i must have achieved something….*takes a minute to think back*……. hmmm… okay….so there are a few things that i did achieve….not to mention some relationships i’ve mended & strengthened… so i guess i am allowed to take steal a bit of consolation from Confucius’s saying….i guess, i guess…it’s not so icy…not so nothing….

i ‘m mentally tuning myself to believe that October hasn’t started yet…but that it’s going to start tomorrow….two days late…. haha…late….yeah….nothing new in my world…

i also like to always keep in mind something Becker (you know, the t.v. series, becker, with Ted Danson)…’no expectations, no disappointments’… almost forgot that one…

what…? you haven’t heard of Becker? why not all television comedies revolve around families and friends…if you love sarcasm..you can’t not love this…

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