i’ll polish my shoes and leave them outside your door..

i get it now….i get the whole want or need or just the liking for hugs, touches, even pats on the back….

have i said this before? i can’t remember…but i really do get it now….

can’t help it if some of us were introduced to the whole ‘physical’ aspect of emotional expression in less pleasant ways than others…but that’s that…it’s never too late to learn about the beautiful things in life….it’s never too late to know that there are two sides to everything and it’s never too late to discover something new about yourself…

i think it’s been about a year or taking my bonds with people a level higher than what i’ve been used to for the past 20 or so years….and however this year has been, and however i’ve been hurt by those who were supposedly close and good to me…letting one of these ‘touchy-feely’ walls fall down, has not left me with regret, but has left me with a warm, quite rejuvenating feeling…if that makes sense….

i can actually say things like…yeah, maybe i don’t mind you holding my hand or my shoulder, or reaching out to me for a hug….before, all this was a big NO!!unless, i…THE GREAT OMNIPOTENT AND UPTIGHT I decided that it was absolutely necessary or required for me to hug some one…or if, in a few situations i could not avoid a hug because i didn’t know how to let a person know that i wanted no hugs and kisses from them…but then, in the innocence of a child, and in the eyes of these good, real good people that i’ve been fortunate to get acquainted with….i saw something that was always genuine…some sort of love that made everything okay…..that everything is not mechanic, and emotionless… that it’s not always an ugly touch that will break you….sometimes emotions can travel through a touch strongly enough to break you, but break you beautifully….

i may be sounding over dramatic…but you may have to step into my shoes to understand….my shoes…if they fit =)…step into them when you feel like…

oh i still have no liking for hugs that are from people i know, who give those light, emotionless hugs…and cheek kisses or whatever they are called…chicks normally do that…..and i normally despise that….just shake my hand…or say hello…you don’t have to take the effort for psychical contact if it means nothing…

fine i’m being slightly hypocritical here…i do emotionless things alright…but that’s in mutual agreement of non-emotionless nothingness….and if i was okay with that, with these humans, then fine….but i’m not….they could ask me before they dive in for their ritualistic ‘hellos’ and ‘byes’….oh well…

why slip into the boring, ugly when i’ve been talking about something nice..?.

yes…it’s never too late to learn something about yourself…and you’ll keep learning something about yourself…the same way you learn things about others and about the world….and about generations and history that keeps being recorded into every millisecond that goes by…

because as the world spins, your life spins and you change…and you keep evolving or devolving …and you’ll go “what??? holly mollyy!when did this happen??!?”…from time to time…

there are more ways things have changed here….gosh, the number of posts i’ve had about things changing for me…..change is so constant….it’s too constant for me to ignore… more about that later….. you can never learn enough….nothing is ever enough… the story of satisfaction is different when it comes to knowledge…


2 thoughts on “i’ll polish my shoes and leave them outside your door..

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