the naughty knots

what’s the point of figuring out that some one’s a dick long after your ties with them have gone slack, been cut off, or the entire relationship has changed into something mutual and simple, where the past bullshit is supposed to be tossed out? nothing.

the time has gone to vent, all insults (that you’d like to spit for purely mental and emotional satisfaction) can, now only evaporate into thin air or be saved for some one else who is ‘deserving’ …

it’s not a blessing to be slow…often times i realize that some one has fingered (it just seems to be an appropriate term for the violation i feel or felt, so i don’t mean to offend anyone) much, much, and i mean centuries later, to realize what the hell happened. and in the time that has passed by, i have either re-started my friendship with the person, often on grounds that ‘i’ must’ve done something wrong…so it’s the whole “me not you” scenario, but in this case it is a genuine ‘me not you’ situation where the stupid ‘me’ holds herself (me) accountable for the situation between the me and the you….

ok i’m done amusing myself with the me’s and you’s….but you get what i mean right?…i like to think so…

anyway, much later, do things subliminally work out in my head and memories become clearer…and i realize how and what exactly went topsy-turvy… and, trust me, it is not a case of reconstructed memory.. because while things seem clear to people as they happen to those people, in the situation, things seem blurry to me. i am often hearing songs or thinking about 10 other things while merely hovering over the situation at hand. this is normally when there’s a lot else going on….then when my brain is clear of the old junk, it processes the later ones….and tadaaaa!! things re-surface… and make me go ‘aha!’..(please don’t refer to Oprah’s ‘aha moment’…that would make you old…)

so sometimes the ‘me not you’, is very clearly a ‘you not me’ or a ‘you and me’. knowing this earlier would have helped because then i could have dealt with the situation better. but i can’t seem to work out a formula to get me tuned into current affairs better. i mean, i have increased my level of alertness so i don’t switch off during conversation and stuff…and i force myself to stay on track….but for bigger things, i fail…maybe with some more practice…i’ll be better off…

the bright side of pathetically slow realization processes are that even if it’s really late…you do wind up learning will speed up your reaction time if a similar situation arises…and well, life goes on….



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