human eyes…humanize…

got a smile on my face… yesterday when trying to cover one of my old favourite songs called 3 libras by A Perfect Circle….on trying to hit a high note, my voice cracked, crashed and pissed on my day…because i knew that there was a time when mr. voice box could hit those notes….

the smile was on my face today, when the voice box co-operated with my mind…and i got the song right..amen to that…….talking about aaah men…

my city, is not like New York…a new yorker (well, he was a New Yorker for one summer) once told me that this city looks like that city…but the people..are obviously very different…variety, you will see it….. more white people than other expats, you won’t see it…

what you will also see, is other people ‘seeing’ you….in countries like India, the U.A.E, Bahrain…people will look at you…you want to be different…they will make sure you ‘feel’ different….if you walk out, dressed ‘loud’…you will not just catch their eyes, you will also bag stares that do not change their focus even when you make it obvious that you can see them staring…okay, i think you get my point…

so today, walking home from where the public bus stopped as close as it would to my building… i knew, as usual, i’m going to be looked at…. no, this is not me saying i am ‘oh-so-gorgeous’….i’m just saying that i’m a girl and the piercing attracts a bit more attention…and here, if you got tits (even teeny ones) that indicate that you have a vagina….you will be looked at… of course not everyone is cheap…but a lot of the men in their 30s to 40s stuck in monotonous lives, with boring wives and a lot of the workers who are (this is to justify them) away from their wives and lives in their home countries…are just, in general, not very subtle about the desperate states they are in….

so yeah, it was a typical walk home..and i started to think…some times i look back at those who stare and they avert their gaze…do they realize that i feel a bit dehumanized?…i mean, it is human, to be a woman but being a woman is not only about the gender and all the natural and stereotypical things that come along with it…it’s also about being human…just being a person with out the whole gender-sex thing being a part of it… so i feel like that’s all i am…just a woman…not a human…when i, believe that you are human, then you’re a woman or a man…

anyway…i do know that some people who look my way, are just looking…like they would look at a tree…some may feel a mutual attraction vibe from me…that’s all fine…it’s all just what it is…

this thought went on to the thought of how i look at people….i normally don’t…my eyes brush over the light reflecting off of them…unless i catch some one who stands out, or their personality glows… i’m normally staring at lights of things, plants, the sky, patterns everywhere….

i also look right past people… i catch images of them from the corner of my eyes… and just move onto other objects of attraction…. but we are all just people right? and we are all human…and we are all, just all that we really have in this universe….

so when i walk past pretending that people don’t exist…even though they are strangers…does it feel dehumanizing to them? i mean i’m not a fan of being part of a place where everyone looks, and everyone shoves their noses into other’s businesses.but should i absolutely be ignoring people?…i don’t like being curious,or staring…but sometimes i feel like, who ever i see, i should make simple eye contact with…that just says ..’oh human!’…. something that says, yeah i notice you, and if you trip, i will help you out…’cause your human….like by pretending people are just objects, am i eating up some of the respect that all humans deserve…?.like the workers and the old men…are still people… i don’t have to say anything with my eyes, but a look, could just mean, you’re not invisible…no one is invisible…

not sure if this makes sense…

not sure if anyone who reads this will make it to the end of this post…ha!

it’s a big world…a mechanic world…a concrete world…we are real…nature is real….we shouldn’t dehumanize anyone with the human eye…

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