it should have all been music

it’s not a joke….just because you can’t feel it….it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist…. it doesn’t mean that some one else doesn’t feel it….

how i hear, what i hear, is funny when we talk about it….it’s not funny when i hear it…

it’s not funny when i feel like shoving a screw driver through one ear so it comes out of the other…it’s not funny when the irritation shoots through my nerves behind my neck to the back of both my ears….when i need to scream and can’t….

i wish every sound was music…i could live with that…i know i could….i never get tired of it in my head, i won’t get tired of it, outside in the world that runs and does flips outside of my body…. something like what this lady was suffering from in this episode of ‘Scrubs’…i would barely call it suffering… i mean, look at this -> 

i thought everything and everyone singing in my life would eventually drive me to hate musicals…but after seeing this, i doubt it…. ok maybe i’m just letting myself be naive…. you should still watch this episode…

yesterday was a day that happened with out fully happening…it’s funny how things i hoped for and thought about happened, but i couldn’t fully act on them as other forces held me back…. it’s like my mind turned into a projector, and my life turned into a projector screen….so i could sit and watch the movie but not be part of it…

and what happens in these times? anxiety kicks in…what does anxiety lead to? amplified sounds….distorted mind, death of sense and me caving into a mess…

when will things change? i don’t know…what am i even saying? you don’t know…everything should have just been music…

i learnt poetry in school by learning the poems as songs…and i sometimes sing the lines in the stories i read….and i am also known to be a retard…


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