i don’t know…am i doing something wrong here?

i mean is it so bad to want something for myself that’s bigger than what you all pictured for yourselves or even for me?

i do wish i belonged to one of those families that expect children to leave at the age of 18…really…honestly…with all my heart….i wouldn’t miss a single one of you right now..i wouldn’t…because i am so ready and so focused, that it’s when i push myself and exhaust myself that i’ll remember you…and i won’t feel bad…i’ll just think of our fond memories together and how, someday, i’ll return and want to hug you, hold you and talk to you…

now it’s all an obligation….more than an obligation…they’re all actions just so you don’t turn around and shit on me….you ace at that….you should know…you really do ace at that…

i mean, you acknowledge that i’m different…but you choose to not let me be different…so basically even if know something…you don’t have to change anything….so then what’s the point of knowing….you might as well not…

when you learn something, anything…i believe it’s worth lies in how you apply it….sometimes you don’t really, fully apply it….but it shifts something within you…or it should shift something within you that sets a dominoe effect on other things you know, believe or act upon.. even if it’re the mildest, most subtle domino effect.

i don’t see you acting….or making an effort…i don’t see you respecting the knowledge you have about me…i don’t see you respecting my knowledge….

for fuck’s sake…

ok, ok…give the devil his/her due right?…i’ll give you your due… you gloat about what you’re impressed about….makes me feel good…but it doesn’t really get me anywhere…

you tell me you do this, and then you can do anything you want…that made me feel good too….but then did i get to move beyond the box you wanted me to stand in?…nope..

your words…are feel good words…maybe you can dwell 20 or so years in the feel-good effect…spew blood, and restart with another outflow or pretense and feel-good shit…but i can’t…that’s fake….that’s just an opiate…

what i make of my life, and my world will affect the world of the next generation….just like your generations adventurous escapades, successes and failures affect my world….and have done a lot of damage…i want to be part of the band aid that brings some healing…tomorrow should be better than today….and i need to better to do something better…

it’s a box….very similar to the box in your mind….your ability to excercise control over me is much more polished than you or even i am aware of….and i fight, i fight as much as i can…but i can’t race my voice…’cause i don’t do that….i can’t bring this world down…’causr i don’t do that…that would be wrong…because i know i have my own set of boxes that don’t expand…but i know it…and i know i need to think bigger, wider and beyond my limits….and so i see your side….and i see their side…and i’m trying to be as nice as i can…

but fuck…do you want to push me….’cause i know i’m reaching a point where the step i take would kill you more than it would kill you to see me chase my dreams…

trust me…i like to keep my word.

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2 thoughts on “

  1. hello I was fortunate to find your blog in google
    your post is exceptional
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