bitter memory

you’d think that after doing something for several days on and off you’d get the hang of it…

you’d think…but…even now, i keep pressing the snooze key, instead f the ‘stop’ key on my phone’s alarm….and after i’m up and going about my day, every ten minutes, the little twat will start going “beep, BeeP, BEEP, BEEEEEEEEP”….

why personify my phone? because we’ve reached that stage in our relatioship…

im talking crap…it’s 7.40 ish in my side of the world….i want to quit….quit everything…and stop living…do nothing…sit in one place, flush bad memories down the toilet and just sit think of all the good that happened….

funny im thinking about letting life come to a rest stop..and a family member passed away… i barely knew him personally, but i knew that he was not a person that you could muster up much respect for….

another man down….another man down with a frown…and no body will miss him much….and those who remember him will remember him with some amount of bitterness…..i’d rather be forgotten than remembered bitterly….

i dont know what the purpose in life is….i don’t know about the beginning and the end…..i don’t think the concept of hell and heaven should motivate anyone to be good…..i don’t believe in those concepts…and i don’t care if i’m “punished” for the lack of belief….but i think there’s more beauty in being a ‘human’ a decent human and working towards being humane and accepting the world as family with out that fear than with that fear…


no doubt…i dont even believe any one is truly altruistic, there’s always something we expect back….even if it’s the ‘grace of God’, heaven, or whatever, or even just a smile or a thank you but we want something back…but i just think some distant religious concept is the least important, and perhaps most naive motivation one can have….

okay i don’t have the right to undermine some one’s beliefs but i just feel like it’s a mirage that people run towards…it’s like i want to be good, because some one who is more than human will acknowledge it, not because it is for some one like me, another human….because i know how it feels to be mistreated and treated respectfully….

i don’t know…i just don’t feel okay about these things…why should i?..when i die, all that i believe will be left is memories…memories of me…and soon even that will fade and i have to accept that all of me will probably disappear to nothing…even my art work, my writings, these blogs and poems….they’ll all fade or maybe traces will last a millenium…but i want to be remembered respectfully and as worthy of rememberance…




aah the shower calls….and so does the rest of the day…lets hope its a good day…despite the fact that it was born with death…im sure everyday, in some part of the world or the other is born with death, or deaths…



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