what the hell…

can you ever reach a point where you can’t love like you’d love when you’re totally who you are?

does that question even make sense to anyone?

why does it make sense to me in some ugly space inside of me?

 

fuck…

you don’t need to reach the bitter end to know you’re sure as hell on your way there… you don’t need to really  reach the destination to know you’re getting there.

and so i didn’t need to get hear….and funny thing is i knew i’d be getting hear..but the crash was unavoidable…

they say you got a hit rock bottom at some point…and i’m pretty sure you’d see the sea bed a couple of times… based on how well you learn from your life…and how you deal with life and maybe luck if you believe in it…

and i know very well that in happiness and sadness you can discover sources of inspirations, and opportunities…

and for very long i have and continue to derive a lot of inspiration from sadness…god i love writing and drawing, and i have done it with all my heart, with all the tears, the anger, the pain , the madness and the hapinness…

i know he’s write…channel the depression…that’s what he means…

but when this is the cycle you’ve been going in for ages…the means of your self expression even feel like they’ve become redundant…at some point your body and soul get even tired of expressing….

the darkness in you refuses to even provide enough night vision to keep you going…

and your brain knows very well that, you will ever run out of words or ways to use words, or art material, mediums, music, sounds, paper,colours and combinations of all of these…

but at the brink, your soul feels too tired to lift a finger and your heart can only gather enough strength to let out a sigh… <- ha! i’m going to use that, for sure…

there…i’ll never run out of reasons to fuel my passions….and at times i have been glad for sorrow because they are fuel to my fires…

but it’s a shame, that some one can derive pleasure out of such continuing mess…

he’s also right…about where i stand…and what i need…

he’s almost always right…

it’s times like these i wish he wasn’t…

stay safe, but don’t play safe, world…life’s worth living…..i need to remind myself of that…

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