belch

who the fuck enters your room and paces around annoyingly and heavily and then belches?

who the fuck is to want to strike a conversation after that?

burps and even farts are fine…there’s something about a belch….like it’s like a beginning of a puke, and its like you can hear the gurgling in the system, coming through the stomach and i feel like i can almost feel what the eusophegus feels.

ok farts are a lot of times almost shits…but the thing is it depends on the kind of farts….there are some which are merely gas….like plain gas, they don’t stink, rumble or anything….that’s like totally fine…the others are just better held in….

 

i want to be puked out though…

i’m still in this place, and it seems so wrong…so wrong…

but once i got my paper work…it’s literally my ‘paper work’…

i think again and again about what he said and about how i actually got myself wrong at that point when i was in the spotlight as the one who fucked up….in the midst of pain, fear, chaos and loss, i saw everything negative in my hopes….the thing is,and the truth and fact is…i actually have lived a few more years than him…and i’ve collected enough stats in my life to know why moving places has not helped me mentally and emoitonally…

in my tears and chaos in my mind, i could only look at the proof, and not analyze it….i had already analyzed it before…but in the chaotic state of my mind,  i had literally forgotten….the reason why moving places hadn’t helped was because i was moving with the same fucking people….

that’s like just carrying the house you’ve lived in for 20 years all around with you./..so you leave home when you go out to the grocers or to meet friends or school, work or whatever, but you come back to the same bed, kitchen sink and toilet….you’re still coming back to your comfort or discomfort zone…

so if i had left, and moved…i wouldn’t be carrying the cancerous wait around with me…they’d be too way fucking far to affect me…even if they did once a week or two weeks, that was nothing compared to everyfucking day…

then the world could walk into my room and belch, fart and jerk off…i’d be as cool as a fucking cucumber ….

i’d like to say he’s missing out…but i know i’m the one who’s missing out….

whatever right? whatever, fuck it, blah blah blah, shit in a brick wall….

 

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