rubbish

ever come to realize just how extreme or far a habit of yours has gone?

it started off as pretty harmless, a minor release for emotion, or even simply an easier way to deal with something, or perhaps some one…

and your reasons behind getting into the habit only seem to surface after you realize that it has become a serious thing you find hard to live with out..and it’s seriously not good…and you realize how much you need it, and how, because it is relatively easier and touches more pleasure nerves than other habits it has gotten so engraved into your daily life that whether you lose time or money on it, you just ‘can’t help it’.. you just really, really, desperately, need it…

it’s not really a habit, is it? it’s an addiction…

and this realization really only kicks in as you start trying to quit….you’ve found more reasons why you should discontinue this habit totally, with out exceptions than you should give it way to take its course…and you begin to realize you’re addicted…and you also see the triggers…

that’s good right? knowing your triggers? but what are you supposed to think or feel when the triggers are the same things that got you into other habits you struggled to break free from?

and the triggers are nothing new…

you can’t think or feel…you can only do something…

you can replace the habit…and that may probably end up being replaced by a similar not-so-positive habit..

or you can get rid of the trigger….not so easy, i’ve come to realize..

or you can change yourself…by basically being more a bigger gullible, door-mat than you already are…

and then you realize the extent of your mental situation…

it takes a lot to say that you are truly not happy… to accept that yes, you find a lot of beauty and hapiness around you…in the sunrise, in certain people, in the chill of a winter breeze, or the waves at the beach, in memories…

but to not be ultimately happy..because you’re not even anywhere near the path to your goal…that’s a stinging thing to admit…and forget about goals….i mean we all are in iffy situations at one point or the other…

it’s also a bit unnerving to very obviously have life point it in your face that you are too often surrounded y unnerving stimuli that stress you out, although you have forgotten that they do…and that these stimuli, greatly contribute to you turning to your bad habits to just try to function normally…

i’ll never forget the Hans Selye bell curve for stress….regarding the relationship between stress and performance…when stress is there, you perform well to a certain extent….your flight or fight response kicks in and you have a rush and you’re here and there doing this and that..and it goes up up and up…but then it reaches a plateau, where exhaustion kicks in, and your performance begins to go down, down and down, till you reach total exhaustion, extreme stress and then bam…death…if the stimulus of stress does not go away…

so its basically saying you need a certain amount of stress to maintain a good performance, but beyond that…too much stress cannot be good for you…

read if interested ->http://www.guidetopsychology.com/stress.htm

i have no interest in pointing out where in the graph i am, because i have no balls to admit it…

but i do know it…

i guess it’s good to be self-aware…but self awareness should not suffice…more needs to be done…

i just hope i can break this habit…even if i am not, i need to be better than this…

it’s rubbish knowing you have to rely on pointless things to cope…it’s rubbish knowing that life is becoming about “coping” and not living…it’s rubbish to know that when you say enough is enough you think about pulling the plug in your life, and not on things in your life..

haha that’s a shit load of rubbish alright…

this is somehow relevant …

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