the better in me

sometimes, in small little nudges, it comes to you…where your anger, rage, unhappiness came from, and how little incidents along your life darkened you..why you burst out, child-like in the embrace of some one who you love…who love before you even realize you love them….. the aggravated the rashness with which i dealt with myself and my thoughts…and the pathetic way in which i dealt with others…the innocence with which i could not deal with loss and changes…

my eyes tear up so often now…but i don’t think it’s pathetic and wussy-like anymore…i see it as a cleansing…with every realization i need a release…

you’re well aware there’s so much to learn about life…little do you realize that this “life” includes you…there’s so much more to learn about yourself…

and in that you learn about others as well…how their moves made you…how your moves made you…how the world made you…and the same way all these factors make you, they can break you..and the there’s is no perfect balance to your being, but there is a level of balance you can achieve…and it comes with self realization…but the journey never ends…as long as you are a working, functioning human being…you’ll keep changing in little or big ways…and there’ll always be something new to know..to learn…

and what do you do with all this knowlede.. you promise yourself that if i am ever a mother, when i make some one my brother or sister, when i am a lover, i will not be ignorant…i will not be lazy….i will not find excuses, and justify things because it is easier…

god, or no god…all that i know is guaranteed is birth and death and humanity and nature…the cycle of life…

he said he saw god in everything…the first time he said it, i saw his eyes…the second time, after i recollected the time he told me of his belief…i felt his eyes…

and i felt like i could see god in him…

i wonder what humbled him…

i think that everyone who displays more good then bad in their everyday lives, were humbled in some way….humbled by some sort of pain that they felt…that some how hit them, or nudged them, made them drop bits of their human arrogance, pride and pure selfishness…and gifted them with this doze of humility…

pain can be good….some pain, that is…

that’s all…

i can only strive to be better than the worst i’ve seen in you and me…because that’s the worst i know…so far..

 

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