bloomin’ ‘n fumin’

Was anger really the first thing we felt the very, very, very first time something got our nerves tingling, our heart thumping, our eyes narrowing and our blood pressure rising?

Or, did irritation, sadness, humiliation come first? Did Maynard James Keenan,( who  I feel like, would have already been set to write bad ass lyrics and flip the world with his amazing voice )when he heard the horrible sound that was probably produced by his vocal chords when the doctor first smacked his ass when he came out of his mother’s womb, cry even harder out of pure anger or just astonishment?

I’m coming to feel that anger, like a lot of the “main” emotions like, love, hate, empathy…is/was never really something that just sparked in our neurons….I’m coming to believe that it came from years of build-up from other emotions…like a lot of astonishment (the bad kind), frustration, fear, insecurity, and in trying to control with and deal with the turmoil…anger results…

When my mother yelled at me for going and playing at the neighbours out, she wasn’t really angry…but she was maybe, probably, firstly, frustrated by the number of times she didn’t know where I was and I might have been out hunting slugs, or entertaining road workers with lame jokes or meeting a friend.

I’ve been getting angry more and more…it’s not ‘age’ , I’m coming to see…it’s ‘build-up’….

why does it matter if it’s anger or anything else? because that’s the only way I think I an address the problem…

is it really a problem….yeah…have you seen yourself when you get mad? it’s ugly…

except when it comes to kids of course =D


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