I’m not sure where to start because I never saw the things I did in life as accomplishments till I sat and thought about our bucket list. I started to realize that I was so busy chasing things, and beating myself up for not getting far enough, that I never looked back and saw the things I already achieved, the things that made me who I am today.
Here are the things I think I have achieved so far:
– Move out – Since the age of 14, I wanted to leave home. Yes, I was too young, and no, my family was/is not evil. I just always wanted to do my own thing. When I was 23, after years of trying and failing, I moved out! I was always relatively independent, even when I lived with my family, so it wasn’t difficult. But it was definitely more liberating.
This is the last picture I took of the first place I moved into. (I was packing up to move cities)
– Talk to people and be comfortable in a public place – I used to be an outspoken and straightforward kid. Somewhere along the line my confidence began to break. I became extremely self-conscious and found it very hard to just be around people. If I was in public, without a friend, I would get very nervous.
I forced myself to change that. I do not think there is anything wrong in not wanting to always engage people. But I just wanted to be comfortable and unafraid in my skin.
So I forced myself to change my outlook. I decided to say “Yes” to things, as much as possible, because 90% of my responses were “No”.
And the first time I decided to go to a gig by myself I met my ex. Thanks to him I had the chance to meet a lot of wonderful people and a world of opportunities opened up and I began to break out of my uncomfortable comfort zone. Thank you Martin, and everyone who I met along the way.
– Open up to people – Letting people into my space made me uncomfortable and I would perhaps hug one person, once a year, if it seemed like they reaaaallly, reaaaaaaalllly needed it. Now I enjoy hugging those I care about, and I also let them know that they mean something to me.
– Confrontation – Everything was always fine, and okay, even if it wasn’t. I believed that no one, and nothing could change. So I never wanted or needed to confront anyone about anything.
And I managed to get through life this way, escaping situations and cutting out people. But then it hit me, that sometimes confrontation is really the only way when it comes to those you care about. And it’s worth it.
– Pick up the guitar – I have loved singing forever. I thought that there was no way I could pull off playing an instrument, but I did somewhere, along the way, pick up the guitar. And after years, I’ve started making music of my own!
You can find some of them here:
Originals on Soundcloud
– Play at gigs/ busk – Playing in front of people seemed so scary, and it still does. But now, it’s the good kind of scary. I feed off of that nervousness and push myself to just sing. Although busking is illegal in the UAE, people have managed to set up legal busking points at outdoor markets and events, which gives musicians a chance to sign up and perform.
– Put videos up on Youtube -I forced myself to put videos of me singing on Youtube to help build my confidence. About 4 years ago, I kept taking videos of myself and deleting them. After months of trying to convince myself I finally did it it!
Here’s the very first clip of a home recording I did
– Finally, have more self respect – When we were talking about this whole achievement thing, Hina pointed out that she’s seen me take care of myself much better than I used to. And she’s right. I had a lot less self respect before, and I barely valued my health or my sanity. Nowadays I find myself making better decisions for myself. My body feels a lot healthier, and my mind feels a lot clearer. =)