We’ve all been in that situation where we realize a mistake we’ve made and an apology or change that we would could make. And we’ve all been in situations where such a realization mattered and was useful.
But there have also been times when no one could give a flying fuck about our realization, because it’s simply too late. You’re officially a dick, an inconsiderate asshole, a dimwit and what not.
Sometimes, however you get to be the face of the coin, and not the tail. It was you was wronged, and it’s you who needs the metaphorical (or not) bandaid and flowers and apologies. And it is you who can decide if you want to accept it, or if it’s just simply too late. And this is a massive responsibility (for me atleast).
There are so many things to consider. Self-value and self respect, if it’s worth it to give people another try, do I have it in me to start over and forgive truly, is there even any point to it because it’s happened way to many times? There must have been mistakes you made, and needed second chances for, and maybe time has changed things, maybe you can trust again…or maybe not.
In the end, this concept of “it’s too late”, and the value of this time-span of lateness is in my/your hands. Only you know if you can handle what has to come after. Or maybe you don’t know till you try, but the results can be messy, scary or just pointless. Or they can actually strengthen whatever it is that you share with the other person.
I’m amused by the fact that the concept of time can be so fragile. That when it comes to our individual lives, and the lives of those whom we (almost) directly affect being late, early, or just on time, can be in our hands. And it feels like such a heavy decision to make, especially when it feels late.
When it’s early, you just go, yikes, I’m probably not ready for this. Though sometimes you don’t know that till much later.
When it’s on time, it feels right. Your face feels alive, your mind feels determined.
And then, when it’s late, or when it could be late, it feels like a weight.
Maybe this isn’t much of a struggle for most people. The good people around me, make strong decisions so easily, like they were nothing. I can’t.