Oh shit, I just realized I got what I wanted.
I wanted family. I wanted blood. You became family. You became blood.
Was I ignored? Yes.
Did I fight to be seen? Yes
The atriums and ventricles of this stupid, stupid heart, lay recoiling under the sun. You saw it, I know you did. They saw it, I know they did. You all recognized it.
I promise I tried to put all my pieces back together again.
I didn’t need a saviour, ever.
But I did need a bit of muscle.
You walked by with a bit of sympathy and a bit of disgust. You walked away in spite of being aware. So did they.
You were not very different from the family I knew.
I got what I wanted. And I can’t believe I almost did it again…
I reconstructed that umbilical noose and cut my ties, only to recreate them in you.
Stupid, stupid heart.
Now, I truly understand the meaning of the quote….
“We accept the love we think we deserve.” – Stephen Chbosky
And you. You with your kind eyes, and words. You with that hand reaching out to me…
You think I’m going to go back to that?
You don’t know me.
You don’t know me…yet.
So sit back down, please.
If I’m going to take months to process it, I damn right will.
I have nothing left to lose. Which is fitting.
Now, I have everything to gain.